Thought to try out to put my own small miracles,
experiences, loves and so on on these things as well.
Qoutes and so on.
I am sure, there are many people, whom experience same or similar things.
<33
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Truth
...and she filled her head with
poems and short stories so that
her own thoughts couldn't get to her...
Monday, March 14, 2011
Did I Forgot Again?.
I slept in today. Or more like got lost in my own mind and thoughts, so I made the clock ring on hour or more later. Lucky, that the human race has invented things to prevent a disaster. Just like phones and kindness, understanding goes in that line as well.
Feeling so cold. Needing some sleep. Drowning into mellow tunes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Eating frozen cranberries with sugar.
Praying.
Praying for all these nations, whom are hit by the earthquackes and tsunami. Including Japan. My swwet, lovely, dear Nihon. <33
When some people would think something like this :: "I am glad I am on the eastern side of the world." This is being shelfish. Yes, I understand, where they are coming from and that they like to have themselves and their loved ones safe, but for fuck sake, think wider!.
My only thought was and have been :: "I am sad that I am here and not there!."
+ + +
If it only would get easier, but it doesn't. I constantly keep discovering, if I am looking for our dear pup to pet or greet, that he is not with us anymore. It has only been around fove to four days, since he left us and went to the other side. I actually saw it. He toldme goodbye a night or two before thursday. Realized it way later.
This isn't making things easier overall. I miss Him. I miss Him so much that it makes me brake inside.
Survival.
Somehow.
As usually.
Even if I don't want to.
Even if I want to give up, the will to go on is stronger.
Dazing off has become every day, every hour, every minute thing. Forgetting things, people, faces, names, situations has become something ordinary. These complications are my own, and they scared me at first. Now. Now they are me as I am them.
Feeling so cold. Needing some sleep. Drowning into mellow tunes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Eating frozen cranberries with sugar.
Praying.
Praying for all these nations, whom are hit by the earthquackes and tsunami. Including Japan. My swwet, lovely, dear Nihon. <33
When some people would think something like this :: "I am glad I am on the eastern side of the world." This is being shelfish. Yes, I understand, where they are coming from and that they like to have themselves and their loved ones safe, but for fuck sake, think wider!.
My only thought was and have been :: "I am sad that I am here and not there!."
+ + +
If it only would get easier, but it doesn't. I constantly keep discovering, if I am looking for our dear pup to pet or greet, that he is not with us anymore. It has only been around fove to four days, since he left us and went to the other side. I actually saw it. He toldme goodbye a night or two before thursday. Realized it way later.
This isn't making things easier overall. I miss Him. I miss Him so much that it makes me brake inside.
Survival.
Somehow.
As usually.
Even if I don't want to.
Even if I want to give up, the will to go on is stronger.
Dazing off has become every day, every hour, every minute thing. Forgetting things, people, faces, names, situations has become something ordinary. These complications are my own, and they scared me at first. Now. Now they are me as I am them.
I forgot again.
Chuck, Steal My shoes!.
I used to live by that qoute.
Though, there were a lot more aspirins and drinks in this game.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Day One Thoughts
+ I need a cigarette.
+ I really don't want to go out with the dog.
+ Lazy, lazy, lazy!.
+ No normal Japanese guys in the VF. >.<
+ Aishiteru, One Ok Rock!.
+ I crashed down last night, and cried a bit.
Why?. I don't have answers to that.
+ I'm not an emo nor a crybaby, arigatou gozimasou.
Just the stress at home isn't doing anything good.
+ I miss my twin flame.
This is the main reason, why I shed tears after all.
+ There is a lot of sorrow inside of me,
but I rarely show it out or let others see it.
+ I have understood, that the wish to live have finally
overpowered my wish to die. When this happened,
I don't know. Though, I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, as of yet.
+ "There's nothing more to bleed, my heart can't take this anymore".
+ I miss her.
+ Would you believe in yourself, when anyone else doesn't?.
+ Blogger pisses me off, as well.
+ The damn nerveinfection is spreading its roots onto my shoulder too.
Hitting its claws in and refuses to let go.
+ Fuck it.
+ I wan't to scream. Really loud. Just for once,
but then again, I figure if I would get addicted.
+ today I push things on and on, refusing to do them.
I tell myself all these excuses, but this is all just a foolish game.
+ "She's hurt. Mentally and emotionally. But everyday,
+ I really don't want to go out with the dog.
+ Lazy, lazy, lazy!.
+ No normal Japanese guys in the VF. >.<
+ Aishiteru, One Ok Rock!.
+ I crashed down last night, and cried a bit.
Why?. I don't have answers to that.
+ I'm not an emo nor a crybaby, arigatou gozimasou.
Just the stress at home isn't doing anything good.
+ I miss my twin flame.
This is the main reason, why I shed tears after all.
+ There is a lot of sorrow inside of me,
but I rarely show it out or let others see it.
+ I have understood, that the wish to live have finally
overpowered my wish to die. When this happened,
I don't know. Though, I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, as of yet.
+ "There's nothing more to bleed, my heart can't take this anymore".
+ I miss her.
+ Would you believe in yourself, when anyone else doesn't?.
+ Blogger pisses me off, as well.
+ The damn nerveinfection is spreading its roots onto my shoulder too.
Hitting its claws in and refuses to let go.
+ Fuck it.
+ I wan't to scream. Really loud. Just for once,
but then again, I figure if I would get addicted.
+ today I push things on and on, refusing to do them.
I tell myself all these excuses, but this is all just a foolish game.
+ "She's hurt. Mentally and emotionally. But everyday,
she walks outside with a smile on her face, because
that's just who she is; the girl who never stopped smiling."
+ The only person holding myself back is me...
+ Today is the day, when I feel like curling myself under
all these blankets and close my eyes, to drift off and
never look back. At least not today.
+ Hot tea gets warm so fast. I want the hotness last
as long as I am finished with it!.
+ I startle way too many times during one day.
+ Someone squeezes my heart together. It hurts.
Is there any way to breathe?. Just breathe...
+ It is so strange, how people act out,
brake their promises and fuck our asses,
act like they haven't done anything, and then are surprised,
when we don't ask them out anymore, when we stop talking to them
and why they loose friends.
+ Just discovered, that it is snowing outside.
On 17:45pm.
It is somehow comforting.
+ I am sorry for being an asshole from time to time.
I mean it. It is a huge part of me, that I need to work with.
+ I want cigarettes in a can.
Just like they have in Asian countries. -pout-
+ I think... that I might start recording my voice,
in English, of course, and then make vocal blog entries.
Yush. It is a good idea!.
+ I don't understand, how people can think of me so highly.
I am nothing special, btw. For sure, I am different... but not special.
+ Skipping through my VF journal, I found something that still worries me. My grandfather's lungcancer. I don't even know him, and yet we are biologically connected. Whom he is?. I don't know.
that's just who she is; the girl who never stopped smiling."
+ The only person holding myself back is me...
+ Today is the day, when I feel like curling myself under
all these blankets and close my eyes, to drift off and
never look back. At least not today.
+ Hot tea gets warm so fast. I want the hotness last
as long as I am finished with it!.
+ I startle way too many times during one day.
+ Someone squeezes my heart together. It hurts.
Is there any way to breathe?. Just breathe...
+ It is so strange, how people act out,
brake their promises and fuck our asses,
act like they haven't done anything, and then are surprised,
when we don't ask them out anymore, when we stop talking to them
and why they loose friends.
+ Just discovered, that it is snowing outside.
On 17:45pm.
It is somehow comforting.
+ I am sorry for being an asshole from time to time.
I mean it. It is a huge part of me, that I need to work with.
+ I want cigarettes in a can.
Just like they have in Asian countries. -pout-
+ I think... that I might start recording my voice,
in English, of course, and then make vocal blog entries.
Yush. It is a good idea!.
+ I don't understand, how people can think of me so highly.
I am nothing special, btw. For sure, I am different... but not special.
+ Skipping through my VF journal, I found something that still worries me. My grandfather's lungcancer. I don't even know him, and yet we are biologically connected. Whom he is?. I don't know.
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