Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Did I Forgot Again?.
I slept in today. Or more like got lost in my own mind and thoughts, so I made the clock ring on hour or more later. Lucky, that the human race has invented things to prevent a disaster. Just like phones and kindness, understanding goes in that line as well.
Feeling so cold. Needing some sleep. Drowning into mellow tunes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Eating frozen cranberries with sugar.
Praying.
Praying for all these nations, whom are hit by the earthquackes and tsunami. Including Japan. My swwet, lovely, dear Nihon. <33
When some people would think something like this :: "I am glad I am on the eastern side of the world." This is being shelfish. Yes, I understand, where they are coming from and that they like to have themselves and their loved ones safe, but for fuck sake, think wider!.
My only thought was and have been :: "I am sad that I am here and not there!."
+ + +
If it only would get easier, but it doesn't. I constantly keep discovering, if I am looking for our dear pup to pet or greet, that he is not with us anymore. It has only been around fove to four days, since he left us and went to the other side. I actually saw it. He toldme goodbye a night or two before thursday. Realized it way later.
This isn't making things easier overall. I miss Him. I miss Him so much that it makes me brake inside.
Survival.
Somehow.
As usually.
Even if I don't want to.
Even if I want to give up, the will to go on is stronger.
Dazing off has become every day, every hour, every minute thing. Forgetting things, people, faces, names, situations has become something ordinary. These complications are my own, and they scared me at first. Now. Now they are me as I am them.
Feeling so cold. Needing some sleep. Drowning into mellow tunes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Eating frozen cranberries with sugar.
Praying.
Praying for all these nations, whom are hit by the earthquackes and tsunami. Including Japan. My swwet, lovely, dear Nihon. <33
When some people would think something like this :: "I am glad I am on the eastern side of the world." This is being shelfish. Yes, I understand, where they are coming from and that they like to have themselves and their loved ones safe, but for fuck sake, think wider!.
My only thought was and have been :: "I am sad that I am here and not there!."
+ + +
If it only would get easier, but it doesn't. I constantly keep discovering, if I am looking for our dear pup to pet or greet, that he is not with us anymore. It has only been around fove to four days, since he left us and went to the other side. I actually saw it. He toldme goodbye a night or two before thursday. Realized it way later.
This isn't making things easier overall. I miss Him. I miss Him so much that it makes me brake inside.
Survival.
Somehow.
As usually.
Even if I don't want to.
Even if I want to give up, the will to go on is stronger.
Dazing off has become every day, every hour, every minute thing. Forgetting things, people, faces, names, situations has become something ordinary. These complications are my own, and they scared me at first. Now. Now they are me as I am them.
I forgot again.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Nee Liar
A lot happened during the time, when I didn't post here. I fell in love, confessed it and few days later found myself, torned apart, lying in my own blood.
I haven't recovered fully, but it is okay. We all need to crash and burn from time to time, to understand ourselves a bit better.
Yet... it doesn't make me more open now, and I still miss her a lot. >.<
Indeed, I fell over heels into a female, whom is one of the most amazing person's I have ever met in my life, and I guarantee, that I have met so many of them.
Even though, she doesn't see nor believe it herself. Understandable. She comes from entirely different area and society. I just... want to ease her burden. Carry it on my own, even though my own has gotten rather heavy lately, as I can possibly speak to one or two people, what is going on inside of me. I just can't... I can't open up to people anymore, with all that prize that I have payed lately.
It makes me think, why I don't even learn?. Which means that... I should have learned by now, that opening up to someone means eventually pushing away and braking not only me, but the person him/herself as well. Then people wander, why I am so blunt, cold and emotionless. The fact is that... I just can't, I can't talk about what is going inside of me. Talking about these things is great pain in the ass, and I better don't. I have hard time finding my words, anyhow. When I try, I stumble against the ground and fall every time so hard, that it is miracle, I dare to get up again and move on.
But I have to.
I have to keep fighting for my own survivial.
Even, when there's nothing left to bleed...
I haven't recovered fully, but it is okay. We all need to crash and burn from time to time, to understand ourselves a bit better.
Yet... it doesn't make me more open now, and I still miss her a lot. >.<
Indeed, I fell over heels into a female, whom is one of the most amazing person's I have ever met in my life, and I guarantee, that I have met so many of them.
Even though, she doesn't see nor believe it herself. Understandable. She comes from entirely different area and society. I just... want to ease her burden. Carry it on my own, even though my own has gotten rather heavy lately, as I can possibly speak to one or two people, what is going on inside of me. I just can't... I can't open up to people anymore, with all that prize that I have payed lately.
It makes me think, why I don't even learn?. Which means that... I should have learned by now, that opening up to someone means eventually pushing away and braking not only me, but the person him/herself as well. Then people wander, why I am so blunt, cold and emotionless. The fact is that... I just can't, I can't talk about what is going inside of me. Talking about these things is great pain in the ass, and I better don't. I have hard time finding my words, anyhow. When I try, I stumble against the ground and fall every time so hard, that it is miracle, I dare to get up again and move on.
But I have to.
I have to keep fighting for my own survivial.
Even, when there's nothing left to bleed...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I was sitting in a small cafeteria next to the bus station. It was so warm in there, and even though I got enough sleep, I was still tired.
16+15 more minutes to wait, then a nap in the 40 minutes of busride to the place that I have never actually called a home. Lately there is so much stress in there, so being somewhere else, I actually sleep well enough to get some kind of rest. It feels peaceful to be away.
I have sat there before several time and long hours, observating people and what was going on outside, behind the glass windows. I swallowed the smell of coffee and cakes, freshly baked and waiting to be bitten.
A strange thing happened before waking up time early in the morning. I snapped up from my dream, and it really felt like I wasn't actually at my friends place, but home. Though soon, luckily, I realized that it was okay. I wasn't in that Hell.
Oh yes, about latest news, I am fully a redhead again, now, and I feel like myself. In the end of the month my friend shall make me a new haircut and even brighter redness.
The air is filled by the echoes and callings of the Spring. It's not far in the coming any more, that much I can say. There might be snow falling from time to time, but it won't hold for a long. The turning mass that we know as a planet Earth, or Gaia as I call Her, has its own plans for us.
Lulz. Damn you, Shelby, to but the idea into my head to come and live with you in LA. I have always dreams of studing & working, living as wrell, in NY, LA or Nihon [Japan].
Now when I have arrived, I learned that the family's pup is ill again. Every time I touch or gently pet it, I feel that cracking dark energy and it is so painful. I don't want to see it in this state, but I have to bare it. For the peaceful mind of my 'parents' and 'brother'. Even if I would try to explain them, why I can't look after it, they won't understand and most likely I won't find any suitable words. When it comes to explaining my inner state of emotional patterns, it is <u>very</u> hard to say what is really going on. I know, but I don't feel like it to tell about this to anyone particularly. Indeed, I write about some of those things in my blogs, but it is atleast one way. Through metaphors or not...
16+15 more minutes to wait, then a nap in the 40 minutes of busride to the place that I have never actually called a home. Lately there is so much stress in there, so being somewhere else, I actually sleep well enough to get some kind of rest. It feels peaceful to be away.
I have sat there before several time and long hours, observating people and what was going on outside, behind the glass windows. I swallowed the smell of coffee and cakes, freshly baked and waiting to be bitten.
A strange thing happened before waking up time early in the morning. I snapped up from my dream, and it really felt like I wasn't actually at my friends place, but home. Though soon, luckily, I realized that it was okay. I wasn't in that Hell.
Oh yes, about latest news, I am fully a redhead again, now, and I feel like myself. In the end of the month my friend shall make me a new haircut and even brighter redness.
The air is filled by the echoes and callings of the Spring. It's not far in the coming any more, that much I can say. There might be snow falling from time to time, but it won't hold for a long. The turning mass that we know as a planet Earth, or Gaia as I call Her, has its own plans for us.
Lulz. Damn you, Shelby, to but the idea into my head to come and live with you in LA. I have always dreams of studing & working, living as wrell, in NY, LA or Nihon [Japan].
Now when I have arrived, I learned that the family's pup is ill again. Every time I touch or gently pet it, I feel that cracking dark energy and it is so painful. I don't want to see it in this state, but I have to bare it. For the peaceful mind of my 'parents' and 'brother'. Even if I would try to explain them, why I can't look after it, they won't understand and most likely I won't find any suitable words. When it comes to explaining my inner state of emotional patterns, it is <u>very</u> hard to say what is really going on. I know, but I don't feel like it to tell about this to anyone particularly. Indeed, I write about some of those things in my blogs, but it is atleast one way. Through metaphors or not...
Very suitable song for me at the moment. Can't get enough.
Though this is my new discovery, through Sheri Nee-chan. ^___^ You were right, I embrace that kind of a style that in this video is. Crazy and stylish at the same time!.
I want those dresses. Pinks and purples. And those shoes!.
*insert melting image here*
Monday, January 10, 2011
...of the Day :: Monday Parade
Song of the Day
30 Seconds To Mars - Kings & Queens
I just adore it. And it is perfect song for starting this whole little 'project'. Hehe.
The whole album [This Is War] from where this song originates is just amazengh!.
Lyrics that I specially love in here ::
We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
/-/
The age of man is over
A darkness comes at dawn
These lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun
We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
/-/
The age of man is over
A darkness comes at dawn
These lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun
Quote of the Day
Simply.
True.
Artist of the Day
Favorite Person of the Day
Jude Law.
The Talented Mr. Ripley
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Cold Mountain
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Cold Mountain
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
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