Did I Forgot Again?.

I slept in today. Or more like got lost in my own mind and thoughts, so I made the clock ring on hour or more later. Lucky, that the human race has invented things to prevent a disaster. Just like phones and kindness, understanding goes in that line as well.

Feeling so cold. Needing some sleep. Drowning into mellow tunes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Eating frozen cranberries with sugar.

Praying.
Praying for all these nations, whom are hit by the earthquackes and tsunami. Including Japan. My swwet, lovely, dear Nihon. <33

When some people would think something like this :: "I am glad I am on the eastern side of the world." This is being shelfish. Yes, I understand, where they are coming from and that they like to have themselves and their loved ones safe, but for fuck sake, think wider!.

My only thought was and have been :: "I am sad that I am here and not there!."

+ + +

If it only would get easier, but it doesn't. I constantly keep discovering, if I am looking for our dear pup to pet or greet, that he is not with us anymore. It has only been around fove to four days, since he left us and went to the other side. I actually saw it. He toldme goodbye a night or two before thursday. Realized it way later.

This isn't making things easier overall. I miss Him. I miss Him so much that it makes me brake inside.

Survival.
Somehow.
As usually.

Even if I don't want to.
Even if I want to give up, the will to go on is stronger.

Dazing off has become every day, every hour, every minute thing. Forgetting things, people, faces, names, situations has become something ordinary. These complications are my own, and they scared me at first. Now. Now they are me as I am them.

I forgot again.

Nee Liar

A lot happened during the time, when I didn't post here. I fell in love, confessed it and few days later found myself, torned apart, lying in my own blood.

I haven't recovered fully, but it is okay. We all need to crash and burn from time to time, to understand ourselves a bit better.

Yet... it doesn't make me more open now, and I still miss her a lot. >.<
Indeed, I fell over heels into a female, whom is one of the most amazing person's I have ever met in my life, and I guarantee, that I have met so many of them.

Even though, she doesn't see nor believe it herself. Understandable. She comes from entirely different area and society. I just... want to ease her burden. Carry it on my own, even though my own has gotten rather heavy lately, as I can possibly speak to one or two people, what is going on inside of me. I just can't... I can't open up to people anymore, with all that prize that I have payed lately.

It makes me think, why I don't even learn?. Which means that... I should have learned by now, that opening up to someone means eventually pushing away and braking not only me, but the person him/herself as well. Then people wander, why I am so blunt, cold and emotionless. The fact is that... I just can't, I can't talk about what is going inside of me. Talking about these things is great pain in the ass, and I better don't. I have hard time finding my words, anyhow. When I try, I stumble against the ground and fall every time so hard, that it is miracle, I dare to get up again and move on.

But I have to.
I have to keep fighting for my own survivial.

Even, when there's nothing left to bleed...

Family = Suck

Certainly, the attitude around here continues being unpleasant. Have to find something to do, which could take my anger away. Sure, writing is one kind of solution, I just have to bring myself to my art again. It is about a time too, though.

Tehee.

Some more ideas start to grow in my mind.
I haven't done anything so long that it kind of is killing me from inside.

Yet...

Soon you may see some new stuff coming from me.
I shall test with some patterns from Asian culture and art style, and mix them with my own unique style. Just to make it all better!.

+ + +

Gomene, I have to rant. -.-''

I clearly don't understand how a 23 year old young man can act like 12 year old boy. Possibly even younger. He has told many times, don't act like you do. Don't bully your sister, but none. Nada. He still continues to do it.

Why people can't have a resonable mind for once?.
He lives together with 3 more persons and one pup.

Cares more for the dog than the others, which includes making strange noises even when others are in the next room. Loud and sharp. God damn, are you a fucking seal?. Ne?. Asshole.

He hasn't seen any particular life as well. Mother has made everything for him, so he just... moves no finger. He doesn't know how to cook, only minor things. Eats only things that you can be sure it is nothing new. Like... I know that deep within him is kind, warm and intelligent young man, but the attention he wants, why he has to pick it from me. He knows perfectly well that I am a hermit type, I don't want to speak unless I speak or there is something important.

I. Just. Want. To. Be. In. Peace.

It is not a lot asked, ne?.

Doki